Elisabetta Canalis and Val Chmerkovskiy
Adam Taylor/ ABC
Welcome to this week's Dancing with the Stars recap. On Monday
night, the show's judges left fan favorite Chaz Bono with the lowest score and
Ricki Lake with the highest. Let's see how the voters treated them:
The result: Voters apparently tapped into their patriotic
pride and voted American; out of the bottom three contestants—Elisabetta
Canalis, Chaz Bono and David Arquette—they said ciao to pseudo-celebrity
Elisabetta. Maybe they simply couldn't muster any sympathy for a woman who is
famous merely for being George Clooney's fame-hungry ex-girlfriend. (Honestly,
even on this show of "stars," her "fame" was always debatable.) Her fate was
sealed by the producers, who did her no favors by portraying her as a diva who
made partner Val Chmerkovskiy cater to her every whim. Now Elisabetta must find
a new path to stardom. Actually, is David Arquette single...
(LIST: Dancing with the Who? The Most Dubious DWTS
'Stars')
The Ghost of Dancing with the Stars future: Demi
Lovato performing her hit "Skyscraper" on the show. How many years until the
Disney tween is dancing on that set, instead of singing on it.
Worst musical number: When DWTS producers invited
Irish alternative rock group The Script to sing on national television, they
probably didn't expect the band to pick a song that required bleeping. This is a
clean show, kids! Aside from the low-cut, bust-baring costumes and hip-swiveling
sexual innuendo, that is.
Least surprising behind-the-scenes reveal A guided tour of
the Dancing with the Stars training center uncovered an on-set
spray-tanning booth where stars can touch up their just-off-the beach glow.
Equally unsurprising was the lack of food in the kitchen (it's a weight loss
show, right Ricki?) and the rooftop putting green for bogey-ing balls at the
paparazzi, as demonstrated by David Arquette. Ok, that last one was a bit
random.
Most egregious, yet-adorable, competitive statement of the
night: Soccer star Hope Solo declaration to to partner Maks
Chmerkivoskiy that she wants to be "the best" at everything she does. It's hard
to argue with a woman who won the "Golden Glove" at the World Cup soccer
tournament, practices with the U.S. national soccer team in the morning, and
learns how to jive in the afternoons.
Least tense moment of the evening:When top scorers Ricki
Lake, J.R. Martinez, and Kristin Cavallari were pitted against each other. It's
the same tension-free gimmick they pulled last week. It took about a minute for
host Tom Bergeron to announce the obvious conclusion that the contestants were
all safe.
(LIST: Top 10 Terrible Dancing with the Stars
Contestants)
Biggest sacrifice by a star: Rob Kardashian wants voters to
know that he is giving up a lot to train for the rigorous competition.
He is taking this show so seriously he is even willing to make sacrifices like,
"Maybe not going out every night." Do you feel his pain, America?
Biggest overstatement of the night: During a montage of the
stars describing their anxiety over facing scrutiny each week, Ricki Lake
gasped, "Whoa, there's so much at stake here." No, there's really not.
Best paid promotion: The Macy's Stars of Dance and their
Busby Berkeley-inspired synchronized routine were worth having to sit through
nearly back-to-back Macy's commercials for the rest of the evening. The silver
and red spangled performers reminded viewers that dancing can be a beautiful,
visual art form, not just a means by which nerve-ridden celebrities desperately
attempt to cling onto scraps of cultural relevance.
See you next week, everyone. Same batdance,
same batplace.
Melissa Locker is a contributor to TIME. Find her on Twitter at @woolyknickers. You can also
continue the discussion on TIME's Facebook page and on Twitter at @TIME.
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